I’d like to publish this before the sun goes down… So, here it is.
I hardly remember how I ended my 2011. I guess, this will be the only memory of 2011 that I can hold on to…
The Last Sunset of 2011
2012 offered me great things that I can surely remember for the rest of my life.
I moved forward.
Most people wouldn’t understand the context of that, and I don’t expect them to understand.
People went in and out of my life ever since I can remember, and I got used to it. I lived my life with the expectation that sooner or later, these people around me will just move on with their lives and be gone in mine. I don’t blame them, life has its way of manipulating you… Especially, through your own decisions.
I didn’t hold any grudge because I know that only I can save myself. Which I did.
The Lord gave me the opportunity to step things up. He gave me the time, His time, for me to fix what has been broken. He guided me through everything. He gave me the chance to bring my family closer.
He offered me that one great start…
But, it was never easy. It never was. But, I don’t want to give that up…
Truly, the best things in life are those that you put your whole self into. Those that you are very much willing to sacrifice everything, just so you can have it… It was best lesson for me.
People will eventually realize how perfect life is, if they only think highly of themselves and stop meddling with other people’s lives. If they can only realize how happy can one be even in the most difficult times… Then, they’ll appreciate how good God is.
I MOVED FORWARD.
When God gave me this life, I got so afraid… I tried to refuse Him and asked Him to let it all go away. But no, He didn’t hear me… And I now know, why.
Despite all the pains, the criticisms, the belittles, the judgements… I don’t want to, ever, let this go.
What I have now is a gift…
What I am now is the fruit of what other people has planted on me.
- People hated me, and I offered them prayers.
- People criticized me, and I wished them blessings.
- People judged me, and I loved them for who they are.
- People backstabbed me, and I showed them sincerity.
I don’t know who my true friends are, anymore. That’s true. 3 days ago, I got myself wham about how I couldn’t trust anyone, anymore. And that every person has something bad to say… And I hated that.
But, all of that went whoosh and just became a big joke…
Someone told me to stop being miserable because I keep coming back to where I was before. I MOVED FORWARD…
So, here’s a special prayer…
Lord God, thank you for all the great things…
Thank you for showing me what my physical eyes can’t see…
Thank you for not letting me stumble…
Thank you for all that has happened, you always have the opportunity for us at its perfect time…
Thank you for bringing my family closer…
Thank you that I have learned to love despite all the pains…
Thank you that I have learned to understand despite all the difficulties…
Thank you that I have learned to see what’s clear even if it comes blurry…
And I thank you for being with me, hugging me… ALL THE TIME and WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST.
I’m sorry for hurting some people because of my decision makings…
I’m sorry for hurting my parents because of what other people has to say about their kid.
I’m sorry for hurting my friends because of all the things that I have failed to do for them.
I’m sorry for being weak when you told me to be strong…
I’m sorry for being arrogant when you told me to be humble…
I’m sorry for being impatient when you told me to wait…
I’m sorry for all the things that I have done wrong, and for the right things that I have failed to do…
I’m sorry that I doubted your presence when everything seems so dark. And I thank you for not giving up on me by showing Yourself when darkness dwells.
I LOVE YOU.
I am always Yours,
P.S. Please send my Love, safely home… Please? You know naman… He means the world to me. Thaaaank yoooou! :)
It is inevitable to be judged; judging is a human nature. According to St. Luke, “Do not judge if you don’t want to be judged. Do not condemn, if you don’t want to be condemned.” It’s a bit cliché but it’s a good cliché. With all the rumors, I stood tall. I made use of the sturdiest foundation I have to conquer all the judgements, criticism, disapprovals, and denigrations. All the belittling made me see the matters that can’t be seen by my naked eyes. I had the chance to know my true and loyal friends; I had the chance to gather my family even closer together. I was never perfect, I commit mistakes. But, I know that in all the experiences I’ve had for the past 20 years of my life… I am better. Bad things happen, it is up to you to make things better. I never had the chance to fight for myself. To voice out my true feelings and I was really hurt. Really hurt to hear all the bad things other people have to say about me; saying things behind my back without the whole manuscript of my life. On the brighter side, God is giving me the opportunity to live my day to day routine without anything to be ashamed of because I have nothing to be afraid of. Smile lang. :]
Sa dinami rami ng taong dumating at naging parte ng buhay ko, hindi ko na mabilang kung ilan na nga ba ang nawala, umalis, bumalik at dumagdag. Pero sa lahat ng mga taong yun… Yung mga nananatili sa buhay ko ngayon ang mahalaga.
Lahat ng nawala sa buhay ko, panigurado akong naging malaking parte sila sa pagkatao ko ngayon. Mapa-kaibigan, kapamilya o kung ano pa man.
Utang ko sa kanilang lahat ang bawat leksyong natutunan ko para magkaroon ako ng malinaw na pagkilala sa sarili ko ngayon.
Kung nawala man sila dahil nasaktan ko sila, humihingi ako ng taos pusong kapatawaran sa sakit na naidulot ko sa buhay nila. At nagpapasalamat ako, dahil sa pagdating at pag alis nila… May mga panibagong myembro ng buhay ko ang dumating at kasalukuyang tumutulong sa mas malawak na pagpapabuti ng pananaw ko bilang isang tao.
Sa ngayon, masaya ako. At kung pansamantala man ang kaligayahang nararamdaman ko ngayon, nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos dahil sa kabuo-ang yugto ng pamumuhay ko dito sa mundo… Naging masaya ako.
Salamat sa mga taong patuloy na nagmamahal at tumatanggap sa akin. Sa mga taong kahit anong sakit, ay hindi ako binibitawan.
Patawad sa mga taong patuloy kong mamahalin, ngunit hindi ko sinasadyang masaktan.
Salamat sa mga taong higit akong kinikilala para mas mapaigting pa ang aming pagsasama.
At patawad sa mga taong sa akin ay napagod na.
Yung kaligayahan ko ngayon, hindi ko kayang ilarawan ng salita.
Gusto ko lang ipahayag na sobrang kuntento ako sa buhay ko ngayon.
Sakali mang ako’y masaktan at maging miserableng muli… Alam ko, darating ang oras na matatagpuan kong bumalik sa ligayang nadarama ko ngayon. At walang makapipigil sa akin.
Hindi ako perpektong tao, nagkakamali ako at nakakasakit.
Kaya patawad at salamat sayo, sayong patuloy at nananatiling parte ng buhay ko. Pasensya ka na’t ako’y siraulo. :P
I was really contented with my life, until I met this man. This man made me realized how spacious my life was.
When he came, he made me see my full potential as a person.
I was so eager to be happy. And he gave me that happiness. He showed me that I can be truly cheerful regardless of how other people see me as a person. How carefree I was when I’m with him is not a question anymore. I bet everyone can see that right now.
I know, bad times will come, that’s inevitable. And the great thing about that fact is that we promised ourselves that we’ll make through everything together. TOGETHER. And if that’s a promise to be broken, then, I can still say that for a chapter in my life, I did something worth my heart. :]
I don’t expect people to understand me. I’m not asking them, too.
What I am now is a better version of myself. And I thank God for reminding me how great I am when He created me by giving me the supreme parents, friends and this great man. :]